Ridiculous Reasoning
by ThurinRanger
Summary: 'Cause if I state the obvious, I must be Legolas. Right? A selection of obvious, stupid, disastrous commonsense. DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN IT, OKAY? D: Rated Kplus for safety reasons.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so I just thought these up while I was eating Afternoon tea, and so I've written them down. This is a collection of stupid, obvious commonsense. :P**

Hobbits are generally overweight, therefor, if I am overweight then I must be a Hobbit.

Legolas is hot. He is also a blonde, therefor, if I am a blonde I must be hot.

Silvan elves kill spiders, therefor, if I kill this spider over here I must be a Silvan elf.

Elrond throws eyebrow insults, therefor, if I throw eyebrow insults I must be some close relation of his.

Wizards are subtle and quick to anger, therefor, if I am subtle and quick to anger I must be a Wizard.

Eowyn, frustrated with Aragorn, rides into battle, gets injured, and finds her true love, therefor, if I want to find my true love I must ride into battle and preferably get mortally wounded.

Aragorn wears a necklace and is, like, the manliest man in Middle Earth, therefor, if I wear a necklace I must be the manliest man in Middle Earth.

Peter Jackson slaughtered Faramir's lovely character, therefor, if I slaughter a beloved character I must be Peter Jackson.

All the good guys drink a lot, therefor, if I drink a lot I must be one of the good guys.

Boromir carries a white horn with him everywhere he goes, therefor, if I carry around a white horn with me wherever I go I must be Boromir.

Theoden receives healing from Gandalf shortly before he dies, therefor, I should not accept healing from Gandalf unless I am ready to die.

Arwen kisses Aragorn in front of millions of people right before she becomes Queen, therefor, if I kiss my boyfriend in front of millions of people I must become Queen.

Legolas has different colored contact-lenses, therefor, if I have different colored contact-lenses I must be Legolas.

Galadriel is a pretty woman who can talk in people's minds, therefor, if I am a pretty woman I must be able to talk in people's minds.

The Nazgul are very scary and hiss at people, therefor, if I hiss at people I must be very scary.

Pippin and Merry drink liquid they find under trees and get taller, therefor, if I drink liquid found under trees I must get taller.

Legolas can survive surfing down a stair-case on a shield, therefor, so can I.

Dwarves hate elves, therefor, if I am an elf-basher then I must be a dwarf.

**Please Review if you liked, don't if you didn't.**

**I can't make any promises about updating this, I only will if I get more ideas.**

**:P**

**Hannon le, **

**~Thurin**


	2. Funnies, Hobbits, & MarySue meditations

**Here I am! I don't know if I will continue this any more, but I will if I get inspiration.**

**Please Review!**

Minas Tirith is the white city, therefor, if I am white then I must be a Minas-Tirithian.

Aragorn fell off a cliff and was brought back to life by his true love, therefor, if I don't want to die any time soon I should get a girlfriend for safety reasons.

Frodo is a crybaby, therefor, if I am a crybaby I must be Frodo.

In LOTR the good guys are handsome, therefor, if I am not handsome I must not be one of the good guys.

Oliphaunts are bloodthirsty and like squishing people, therefor, if I am bloodthirsty and like squishing people, I must be an Oliphaunt.

Legolas and Gimli failed to notice when Aragorn nicked Boromir's vambraces, therefor, if I failed to notice then I must be one of them.

Aragorn(Viggo Mortenson) slept with his horse to form deep bonds with it(insert asterix here), therefor, if I have bizarre tendencies to sleep with my horse in order to form bonds I must be Aragorn(or Viggo, whichever I prefer).

**A couple from the Hobbit, because I simply could not resist:**

Kili could have anything down his trousers, therefor, if I could have anything down my trousers I must be Kili.

The elves let the dwarves get away with ramping up the feast at Rivendell, therefor, if I want to ramp up a feast my best bet is with the elves.

**And finally, to end this chapter we have just a short meditation on LOTR, Hobbit, or any other Fandoms in general:**

If all Mary-sues are stupid, and all of us are secretly(or not) Mary-sues on the inside, then are we all just self-proclaimed idiots?(insert two asterixes here)

**Thanks for reading, please review! **

**For those who follow me in all things: I'm sorry, honestly, I am. I know I promised to drop everything and finish 'A Ranger of the Woods', but I had all these written in my Purple-Writer's-Notebook already, so I just typed them up as a special gift to all those who reviewed the previous chapter. :)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

(insert one asterix)In the behind the scenes Viggo Mortensen explains sleeping with his horse in order to form lasting bonds, the sort that Aragorn might have. :/ Go figure.

(insert two asterixes)We see all these flamers going: Ugh, another stupid Mary-sue! and: Mary-sues are so stupid! But, if we really think about it, we are all Mary-sues on the inside. All of us secretly dream and wonder what it would be like to marry our hot hero from our favorite Fandom. :))))

**_~Thurin_**


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